It was November 2005 when I began my journey. Like many, I
had started and failed at more diets than I could possibly count. Some of the diets
were logical and some were completely nonsensical (mostly the latter). For some
reason that November was different. I often ask myself what made that time stick?
Why did I finally take control, get the willpower, make the change? These are
answers, six years later, that still elude me, but I do know that night I
looked into the mirror (at a person who now seems so far away) and said,
“Christopher, you are worth taking care of.”
First, it is important to understand what got me to my mirror moment. I remember being a skinny little boy. I was thin until fourth
grade and then something happened. I remember it clearly, the first time I was
bullied. I don’t use that word lightly, what I experienced in my life was
bullying, without a doubt.
I went to school in rural Pennsylvania. I knew from very
early on I didn't fit in, but in fourth grade it was made all too clear. It was
recess and I was down the hill where the playground ended and the woods began.
Three boys came up to me, I was by myself, and began taunting me. They began
saying that I had no friends, that I was gay, ugly, disgusting. I remember
these words specifically but I know there were many others. For some reason I didn't run away. I stood there and took it and never told anyone. In the fourth
grade this was the first moment I recall thinking, that they were right and
that I was all the things they said.
Looking back, I don’t think the trigger to my weight gain
was the name calling, it was the fact that I told no one. Since I stayed silent
I had to numb the feelings somehow. I didn't act out, I didn't shut down
completely, I numbed myself with food. I hid food, I binged, I was the
stereotypical food addict. As the weight piled on, so did the bullying. I went
through school experiencing what one could only call torture. Middle school for
me was a series of events from having my head hit off lockers, being called a
fat faggot, and observing others (teachers and peers) stand back and say
nothing. This led to more bottled up emotions and more pounds.
My junior year of high school is when things got extreme.
The first event was finding a training bra in my locker and having an audience
wait and watch for me to discover it. Then, I was cornered in the locker room,
my shirt was pulled off, I was poked, punched, told that I liked them touching
me, and that I was fat. I remember when they finally left I went to the
gym teacher he said, “What do you want me to do about it? Boys will by boys.”
Those words are seared in my brain. The adult in the situation, the adult that
was responsible for our safety, sat back and did nothing. A few weeks later, on my way to board my
bus to go home, I had an apple slammed into the side of my head. I was hit so
hard the apple burst. When I got home my mom had to help me clean the apple
pieces out of my ear. More weight accompanied this pain. My parents intervened
and had me transferred to a private school and things got better. Kids still
said things, but compared to what I was used to, it was heaven.
My dad then accepted a new job and we left Somerset County
and moved to an area outside of Pittsburgh. It was my senior year and I made
some friends, not many, but they were real friends. They accepted me and were
kind. What shocked me more, was that some of them were even “popular.” This
helped me gain confidence, however, my bad habits were ingrained in me. I made
it through my senior year and through college making more friends, feeling more
comfortable, but I continued to gain weight and people occasionally said hurtful
things. It wasn't until I graduated college and landed my first teaching job
that I felt free from all the torture I had experienced.
That is the story of my weight gain, but what about my
weight loss? I was lucky to land my first teaching job in a small private
school in Wheeling, WV. There I was surrounded by a group of loving,
compassionate colleagues rooted in their faith. Despite my 50” waist and 2 XL
shirts they loved me, supported me, and made me feel special. I finally began
to see in myself, what they saw in me. I was talented, good at my job, and had
gifts to offer. I was worth loving, taking care of, and more than anything, I
deserved to be happy. That is what led me to that night in November when I was
finally filled with the resolve to make a change. In that year my colleagues
and I started our own Biggest Loser
program and that only pushed me more to finally lose the weight.
When I started my journey I made only small changes. At
first I didn't change my eating habits, I just started moving more. I began
riding a recumbent bike thirty minutes a day. I was shocked to see the weight beginning
to come off. I realized if I made changes in my diet I would get even better
results. Seeing the benefits from these changes encouraged me more and more. I
soon began walking only a mile at first. I slowly built up my distance to two
miles. It probably took me two months to get to this point, and I had lost
around twenty pounds. One day I decided to try running. I had never thought
running was possible, because I was so large, but I decided to try it anyway.
The first time I ran I made it a quarter mile. That quarter mile was freeing.
For once I felt like my goals were attainable. I continued to run and with each
week I added more distance. In no time I was running two miles and I began to
feel, dare I say, like an athlete.
By the end of the school year I was down to 250 lbs., a 40”
waist, and a large shirt. It was a huge accomplishment, but bigger changes were
about to take place. The summer of 2006 I accepted a teaching position in
Charlotte, NC. I was getting my own place. That is when I decided I truly had
to take control of my life. I was in control of the food that came in, the
hours I worked out, everything. I was motivated and dropped another sixty
pounds in the first 6 months of living on my own. To get there I upped my
workouts and continued to watch what I ate. I stayed around 190 for about a
year and then slowly lost a few more pounds. By the beginning of 2007 I was
where I am now. I have maintained my weight since.
With my new body I was forced to figure out who I was. For
so many years I was hidden and guarded. Now, my thin self, was vulnerable. I
had two choices, I could continue to try to hide, or be myself. In 2006 I came
out to my amazing family. They loved and supported me. With this, I was
completely released. I now was able to live my life fully, being who I always
was. I no longer needed the food to stuff down my fears. I could simply live
the life I had always wanted.
Not everything was a storybook from that point. I still
dealt with a lot of confusion, self-consciousness, and second guessing if I
deserved everything I had received. This made it difficult for me to date and
be successful in my first few attempts at relationships. My first thought was
to flee the instant I felt like I made a mistake, was judged, or a failure.
Then I met Steven. He accepted me, loved me, and supported me for who I was.
There was no judgment, only understanding. We eventually bought our first house
and began our life together.
Steven and I live an active life full of hikes,
walks, house projects, and adventures. All the happiness he has given me
continues to motivate my healthy lifestyle. I want to make the best choices so
that I can enjoy the life we've created together. With this being said, I keep in my pocket strategies that I use on a daily basis that allow me to maintain my weight
that, I hope, can help you reach your goals.
- Record what you eat and drink each day.
- Stop eating after 7:00 pm.
- Make sure to accomplish 10,000 steps each day.
- Work out at least 4 times a week for 45 minutes.
- Eat what you want, but cut the portion in half.
- Pay attention to your body and stop when you are full.
- Most importantly, you are going to mess up, you are going to
eat too much, and you are going to feel like a failure. Do not let this defeat
you. Stop, forgive yourself, and do better.
Everyone who embarks on a weight loss journey has their own
story. What works for one, doesn't always work for another. I think it comes
down to my last rule. You must forgive your mistakes and then do better.
Lastly, before you start the journey you must love and value yourself enough to
make the change.
This is my story and I hope if you haven’t started your
journey or have found yourself stuck that this can be the encouragement you
need. I challenge you to go out and live your life, not for anyone else, but for
you. What are you waiting for? Get to it!
