My Journey...

It was November 2005 when I began my journey. Like many, I had started and failed at more diets than I could possibly count. Some of the diets were logical and some were completely nonsensical (mostly the latter). For some reason that November was different. I often ask myself what made that time stick? Why did I finally take control, get the willpower, make the change? These are answers, six years later, that still elude me, but I do know that night I looked into the mirror (at a person who now seems so far away) and said, “Christopher, you are worth taking care of.”

First, it is important to understand what got me to my mirror moment. I remember being a skinny little boy. I was thin until fourth grade and then something happened. I remember it clearly, the first time I was bullied. I don’t use that word lightly, what I experienced in my life was bullying, without a doubt.

I went to school in rural Pennsylvania. I knew from very early on I didn't fit in, but in fourth grade it was made all too clear. It was recess and I was down the hill where the playground ended and the woods began. Three boys came up to me, I was by myself, and began taunting me. They began saying that I had no friends, that I was gay, ugly, disgusting. I remember these words specifically but I know there were many others. For some reason I didn't run away. I stood there and took it and never told anyone. In the fourth grade this was the first moment I recall thinking, that they were right and that I was all the things they said.

Looking back, I don’t think the trigger to my weight gain was the name calling, it was the fact that I told no one. Since I stayed silent I had to numb the feelings somehow. I didn't act out, I didn't shut down completely, I numbed myself with food. I hid food, I binged, I was the stereotypical food addict. As the weight piled on, so did the bullying. I went through school experiencing what one could only call torture. Middle school for me was a series of events from having my head hit off lockers, being called a fat faggot, and observing others (teachers and peers) stand back and say nothing. This led to more bottled up emotions and more pounds.

My junior year of high school is when things got extreme. The first event was finding a training bra in my locker and having an audience wait and watch for me to discover it. Then, I was cornered in the locker room, my shirt was pulled off, I was poked, punched, told that I liked them touching me, and that I was fat. I remember when they finally left I went to the gym teacher he said, “What do you want me to do about it? Boys will by boys.” Those words are seared in my brain. The adult in the situation, the adult that was responsible for our safety, sat back and did nothing.  A few weeks later, on my way to board my bus to go home, I had an apple slammed into the side of my head. I was hit so hard the apple burst. When I got home my mom had to help me clean the apple pieces out of my ear. More weight accompanied this pain. My parents intervened and had me transferred to a private school and things got better. Kids still said things, but compared to what I was used to, it was heaven.

My dad then accepted a new job and we left Somerset County and moved to an area outside of Pittsburgh. It was my senior year and I made some friends, not many, but they were real friends. They accepted me and were kind. What shocked me more, was that some of them were even “popular.” This helped me gain confidence, however, my bad habits were ingrained in me. I made it through my senior year and through college making more friends, feeling more comfortable, but I continued to gain weight and people occasionally said hurtful things. It wasn't until I graduated college and landed my first teaching job that I felt free from all the torture I had experienced.

That is the story of my weight gain, but what about my weight loss? I was lucky to land my first teaching job in a small private school in Wheeling, WV. There I was surrounded by a group of loving, compassionate colleagues rooted in their faith. Despite my 50” waist and 2 XL shirts they loved me, supported me, and made me feel special. I finally began to see in myself, what they saw in me. I was talented, good at my job, and had gifts to offer. I was worth loving, taking care of, and more than anything, I deserved to be happy. That is what led me to that night in November when I was finally filled with the resolve to make a change. In that year my colleagues and I started our own Biggest Loser program and that only pushed me more to finally lose the weight.

When I started my journey I made only small changes. At first I didn't change my eating habits, I just started moving more. I began riding a recumbent bike thirty minutes a day. I was shocked to see the weight beginning to come off. I realized if I made changes in my diet I would get even better results. Seeing the benefits from these changes encouraged me more and more. I soon began walking only a mile at first. I slowly built up my distance to two miles. It probably took me two months to get to this point, and I had lost around twenty pounds. One day I decided to try running. I had never thought running was possible, because I was so large, but I decided to try it anyway. The first time I ran I made it a quarter mile. That quarter mile was freeing. For once I felt like my goals were attainable. I continued to run and with each week I added more distance. In no time I was running two miles and I began to feel, dare I say, like an athlete.

By the end of the school year I was down to 250 lbs., a 40” waist, and a large shirt. It was a huge accomplishment, but bigger changes were about to take place. The summer of 2006 I accepted a teaching position in Charlotte, NC. I was getting my own place. That is when I decided I truly had to take control of my life. I was in control of the food that came in, the hours I worked out, everything. I was motivated and dropped another sixty pounds in the first 6 months of living on my own. To get there I upped my workouts and continued to watch what I ate. I stayed around 190 for about a year and then slowly lost a few more pounds. By the beginning of 2007 I was where I am now. I have maintained my weight since.

With my new body I was forced to figure out who I was. For so many years I was hidden and guarded. Now, my thin self, was vulnerable. I had two choices, I could continue to try to hide, or be myself. In 2006 I came out to my amazing family. They loved and supported me. With this, I was completely released. I now was able to live my life fully, being who I always was. I no longer needed the food to stuff down my fears. I could simply live the life I had always wanted. 

Not everything was a storybook from that point. I still dealt with a lot of confusion, self-consciousness, and second guessing if I deserved everything I had received. This made it difficult for me to date and be successful in my first few attempts at relationships. My first thought was to flee the instant I felt like I made a mistake, was judged, or a failure. Then I met Steven. He accepted me, loved me, and supported me for who I was. There was no judgment, only understanding. We eventually bought our first house and began our life together. 

Steven and I live an active life full of hikes, walks, house projects, and adventures. All the happiness he has given me continues to motivate my healthy lifestyle. I want to make the best choices so that I can enjoy the life we've created together. With this being said, I keep in my pocket strategies that I use on a daily basis that allow me to maintain my weight that, I hope,  can help you reach your goals.

• Record what you eat and drink each day.
• Stop eating after 7:00 pm.
• Make sure to accomplish 10,000 steps each day.
• Work out at least 4 times a week for 45 minutes.
• Eat what you want, but cut the portion in half.
• Pay attention to your body and stop when you are full.
• Most importantly, you are going to mess up, you are going to eat too much, and you are going to feel like a failure. Do not let this defeat you. Stop, forgive yourself, and do better.

Everyone who embarks on a weight loss journey has their own story. What works for one, doesn't always work for another. I think it comes down to my last rule. You must forgive your mistakes and then do better. Lastly, before you start the journey you must love and value yourself enough to make the change.

This is my story and I hope if you haven’t started your journey or have found yourself stuck that this can be the encouragement you need. I challenge you to go out and live your life, not for anyone else, but for you. What are you waiting for? Get to it!